Redesign Me
by BuZZyReCKy
Summary: They say 01 is the closest you can get to Hell on Earth. The things that go on in there... you'd consider the people in charge to be inhuman, and by the hands of her own father, nine-year-old Tara was thrown into the depths of this Hell.
1. Prologue and Chapter 1

**Prologue**

They told me I'd never be able to feel pain.

It wasn't like I knew any better... I thought I was normal. Of course, my snow-white hair and my pale skin didn't match that of my parents, but I never considered that a problem. My mom would just smile and say, 'You're just special,' and that was all there was to it. Successful with his occupation, my Dad was able to support us on his own, and we lived comfortably and happily, without worry. For a while, my family went on with our lives as if nothing was wrong... and whether it was ignorance or denial on my parents' part, I'll never know.

That was until the day the inevitable happened. While 'helping' my mom wash the dishes, I stuck my hand down the drain, into the garbage disposal. My hand shook against my will, and when I pulled it back out in surprise, I saw nothing but blood. When she glanced in my direction, my mom screamed, horrified to see my fingers mutilated to that extent. However, I just looked at the bloody lacerations with interest, too naive to know what had happened. I was rushed to the hospital, and my hand healed... eventually, but that was the day I was told I was told that I was incapable of feeling pain. That was the day I was told I was adopted.

That was the day I was told I wasn't human.

**Chapter 1**

The words took some time to sink in.

I felt light-headed, but maybe that was just from the loss of blood. The doctors wouldn't tell me anything. Being adopted might have not been that big of a surprise, but if I wasn't human, then what was I? I looked at my healthy hand, comparing it to my crying mother's as she knelt next to me, holding it and telling me that things would be okay.

"Mom, what did the mean when they said I wasn't human?" I mouthed. She was looking, but she didn't answer. I was confused; didn't I look like a fricking human to them? What did they know?

If I didn't stick my hand down that drain, maybe I wouldn't have had to deal with all of this, at least not yet. My hand did come out torn apart, but I was still confused as to what this thing they called pain was. Hot, cold, rough, smooth... none of these words meant anything to me. They still don't. I guess it's probably how a blind man feels about colors, or maybe how you feel about love. Some things can only be learned and understood with experience.

Sometime during the early evening, my dad came into the room. He motioned the doctors over, and they went in a side room to talk. The sky went from blue to black, and all the life that was once in the room died, a part of me with it. Soon, my mom was asleep by my side. I, however, didn't close my eyes once that night. I wanted to believe her words; I wanted to believe that everything would be okay soon, but I couldn't. Dreading the sunrise, I watched the stars sluggishly make their way past the hospital window, feeling uneasy and afraid of what would happen if I allowed the next day to arrive.

My hand was better by the next morning.

The doctors gawked at it wordlessly; they hadn't treated 'my kind' before, and apparently my body healed at a rate they considered impossible. My dad talked to them in a side room again for quite some time, and shortly after we were back in the car, taking the long way home.

"Honey, you don't have to do this..." my mom pleaded. My dad kept his eyes on the blurred glass in front of him, focusing on the street he followed between swipes of the windshield wipers. It was almost like he hadn't even heard her, but I saw his mouth clenched shut and his hands tighten around the wheel, trembling ever so slightly. With tears in my mom's eyes, she continued, "So what if it means you'll lose your job? We love you, and we need you here."

"I can't; I'm sorry." His grip on the steering wheel strengthened, "Look, none of this was supposed to happen."

"You knew damn well that it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time. We couldn't keep her locked away in the house forever."

Raindrops splattered into nonexistence on the window I leaned against. I focused my mind on that, tuning the argument out of my head. The rhythmic tapping continued for a while, the water flooding my ears with sound, drowning out the things that hurt to hear. My parents were arguing again, and it was all my fault. Why couldn't I be human? Why couldn't I just be a normal girl? Maybe things could have been different then. The car ride soon ended, but the tension followed us through the front door, hovering above our heads throughout the house. Not a single word was spoken.

I hated calling this prison my home. It was a cage, disguised by bright colors and photos of happy faces in memories of my pathetic excuse of a life. I wanted to go outside. I wanted to run as far as I could. I wanted to have more friends than just my parents.

I wanted more than what I had; that's normal right? At least, it is for "humans". I glanced at my window. I was on the second floor, right above the front door, but if I jumped out I could probably get away undetected. I looked outside. It was still drizzling, but compared to my room, it was inviting, tempting. The young dog from across the street waded through flowers in her yard, looking for bugs. People walked by on the sidewalk, holding all sorts of colorful umbrellas.

And then I looked down.

My 'dad' was standing with his back to the door. He shook his head, and began walking down to the car. Mom ran out after him, crying, but he ignored her. He got in, started it, and pulled out of the driveway, leaving my mom sitting alone in the wet grass. Ignoring her, he looked up to the house one last time. We made eye contact, he blinked, and he drove off.

From the look in his eyes, I already knew he wasn't going to come back. I wanted to run down the stairs and out to my mom, but I couldn't. I was frozen like a statue, wishing it were just another bad dream. It was in that moment that I became an adult, and I was only nine years old.

They told me I wouldn't be able to feel pain, but they were wrong.

* * *

Author's Note:

So this is one of my more recent fanfics. The chapters will get longer, so don't worry about that. I started this in June 2011, and it's been slowly dragging along since then, so you'll see not only development in the plot, but development in my writing over the year as well. This story has placed second both in Computerfan's 2011 Fanfic Competition and Battle of the Best 2012, two of the biggest fanfic competitions at . I'm fairly proud of how good it's done, and though all the competitions are over, I hope to continue this story, since it's still far from half over.

In case you're not a VersaEmerge fan, this fanfic is named after my favorite song on their first album, Fixed at Zero (if you're into female rock singers, I'd very much suggest them). The story pretty much started off random (I had no clue where I was going with any of the story until maybe 10 chapters) in), but I have a good idea as to where this is headed now, and if you guys stick around, you'll see that it's going to be a hell of a journey. If you've read anything else I've written (like my other AC fic, Opheliac), you'd know that my stories are usually dark and depressing, but with hope somewhere amidst the darkness... and this story is not an exception to that. I'm aiming for around 30-40 chapters for completion, but we'll see where this goes.

So, yeah... thanks for dropping in and reading this, and I hope you stick around for updates :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Without my dad home, we had no way to pay for anything. My mom tried to find work, but minimum wage was nowhere near enough. As days went by, we began to lose the remainder of things we had; it wasn't long before we were without a house. I always looked forward to the day I would be let out of the house, but I didn't expect it to be that way. I didn't think I'd feel so helpless. It was a slow and painful death from one life into the next.

However, life outside the front door was amazing. Finally setting foot outside of the place I used to call home was like a dream... and it was. For years, I wanted this. Some kids wish they could go to space; some kids wish they could be part of their favorite TV shows, their fantasies, or their imaginations. I just wanted a taste of reality, and its bittersweet flavor was finally on my tongue.

Finally seeing things from the other side of the window, I couldn't help myself. I felt like a kid again, bewildered, confused and scared, but amazed. If my mom hadn't pulled my arm and dragged me along with her, I might have just stayed in our old front yard forever. Every color, every smell, every minute detail... I was in a completely different world.

We couldn't stay anywhere near that place though. My mom told me that we couldn't be seen in public. I thought she was just embarrassed with our poverty, but I later found out it was because of my hair. The scenery of green lawns and expensive houses soon changed as we reached the heart of Wayfare... the city.

Buildings of all sorts towered on both sides of the street, stretching to the clouds. Cars and people bustled about. I wasn't used to the noise, and I clung to my mom, hiding my head with my favorite hoodie. We wove through the ocean of humans and animals. I wasn't sure if my mom knew where she was going, but eventually she led me down an empty alley where we would make our temporary shelter.

I asked where we were, but she was too busy to look at me, so I didn't get an answer.

My mom looked around, then at me, patted my head and said, "We'll stay here tonight and find out what we're going to do tomorrow." I leaned against my mother, huddled in a corner by grimy walls. Splotches of black and brown covered my clothing, and the lack of light was terrifying. Sounds I couldn't identify echoed down the walls of the alley from the main roads. My nose stung with the smells wafting from the nearby trash, so I buried my face into my mom's clothing, trying to fall asleep.

This wasn't the type of place I imagined when I left my house. This wasn't what I wanted. For once, all I wanted was to be home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Tara."

I rubbed my eyes and opened them. The sun wasn't up yet, but natural light began spreading across the sky. It took me a few seconds to realize where we were. The hands that gently shook me let go, and my mother's face came into view.

"Honey, mom has to go to work now. Are you going to be okay by yourself?"

Under normal circumstances, I would have rolled my eyes, but this was a different story. It was the first time I was not being treated like a baby, and I was scared shitless. I let the question pass through and out of my mind; it wasn't like answering would change anything anyway.

"Hmm... well, you're a big girl now, so I think you can handle it. Just stay in this alley and make sure no one sees your hair... is that okay?" She began muttering under her breath, but I ignored it.

I nodded, and my mom's body relaxed. She kissed my cheek and stretched as she got up onto her feet. Headed to work, she began walking slowly out towards the lights, and soon she turned the corner and disappeared into the sea of faces. I sighed. She didn't have work today; I knew her schedule.

When I was finally alone, I got a better look at my surroundings. I was between two industrial buildings of some sort, two of the many concrete blocks cut out of the cement sea of the city. Apparently these buildings were still in use, at least according to the fresh trash bags piled along the side of the alley. However, the walls of the building were damaged beyond the point of simple repairs. Hidden amongst the dirt on the walls was the occasional crack or hole. The narrow alley continued down until it reached a rather tall fence, though the building walls continued further to the other side. I made an attempt to see what lied on the other side, but it was far too dark for me to tell. The alley probably extended much farther, but all I could see on the other side of the fence was a small hole in the wall, leaking faint light. I leaned left and right, trying to see through the hole from behind the woven chain links.

Inside I saw a steel table wit straps attached to it. This was lit by a single light bulb, dulling the outer edges of the room. The walls behind it were a pale green, sort of sick in color. That wasn't all, though. On the table was something white. I couldn't see all of it because of the hole's size, but even at that age I knew what I had found. On the white object there were uneven splotches of red.

I stood there in inaction, barely blinking. I might have stayed there forever, but soon the table (and whatever it had on it) was pulled away, giving me nothing to stare at but pale green. Pale, sick green.

Then, stillness. I could have walked back to the middle of the alley and pretended that nothing happened. The cars and people constantly flowed by the alley opening, the flies continued to wander about, the whole world kept moving... and I was the only one that was stopped in my tracks because of this. I could just have forgotten it, since it would have had nothing to do with me, but something made my stomach turn from what I saw. Something made my heart sink. I had a bad feeling about everything, and when I have strong feelings, they never fail to come true. Whatever was going on in that building was part of my life now, and from peeking I guessed it wouldn't be good.

It was still relatively early in the morning, so I thought I would try to figure out what was in the building. I decided that even if it scared me, I would be determined to find my way into that room. I had to. Foolish decision or not, it was the only thing that was on my mind at the time. I reexamined the wall, but there wasn't any unlocked doors or holes big enough to crawl through.

That meant I would need to go through the front door.

I didn't know where this sudden courage came from, but I knew that getting into the building was important. Something about it was so hauntingly familiar that I felt like it was actually drawing me towards it. It was overwhelming to a point where in my mind, all my other thoughts became muddled, fading into the blurry screen in the background.

Nervous, I stuck to the wall as I ventured back out into the city. I pushed my way through the moving crowd to the front of the building. It looked a lot nicer than the rest of its damaged exterior. A familiar 'Celeste Research Facilities' sign stood at its front, and large glass windows displayed the empty lobby within it. The carpet was unstained, the tables were dusted and the lights were bright... the building was definitely still in use. Seeing that the door was unlocked, I pushed it open and stepped inside. There were cameras set up, but I ignored that. I needed to figure out which path would lead me to the back rooms... but somehow I didn't. Somehow, I felt I already knew. Something about the place was nostalgic.

Something about it felt like home.

* * *

Notes and stuffs:

Looking back at this makes me realize that my writing is pretty bad, and it really hasn't improved much since 2011, but I don't know. Anyway, I know the plot for this story really moves slowly... but other than that, any constructive criticism on my writing in general is appreciated (although it'd be a lot better for my newer Animal Crossing fanfic, as that is more recent).

Still, I plan on working on this story as well, and eventually finishing it... however long that will take. I'll get to uploading all of the current chapters when I can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Muddy footprints trailed behind me on the white carpet, tracing my path. I looked at myself in the reflection from the glass I passed by... the lively colors of my clothes and skin were stained brown. I really didn't belong in a place like this, at least in my current state. Luckily, no one outside even cared to glance into the windows of the building. Everyone's so focused on their destination to a point where they tune out everything else… that's simply just how the city is. I guess I was safe.

The hairs on the back of my neck rose anyway, even if I was completely alone… or maybe it was precisely because of that. My walking slowed; I wanted to go back out the door and never return. What would my mom think when she got back to see me gone? I thought a bit, but then I realized it wouldn't matter. She wasn't coming back; she didn't love me… and I didn't blame her. I mean, how could ANYONE love me?

A storm of sorrow clouded my eyes, but I held back the rain. It wasn't a time for crying; I had to do what I came in to do. Seeing that the room branched off into hallways, I began to walk down one. It was a maze, but somehow I felt I was headed in the right direction. Still, the silence and the emptiness of the place made me uneasy. I had the sudden urge to bite my fingernails, a habit I thought I killed months ago, but I saw the dirt caked beneath them and I folded my arms instead. It seemed the fear snaking through me constricted tighter and tighter the further I went… my mind subconsciously screamed with all of its power to try to convince me to leave. There was a black hole at the end of the path, and I was walking right to it, asking to be taken away.

Despite the explosions of emotion flashing in my skull, I couldn't stop walking. My heart screamed back at my mind, winning the internal war. I HAD to find that room.

I shifted my attention to the walls as I continued down a path my mind had predetermined. 032… 031… 030… painted numbers were stenciled on the doors that went on as far as the hallway. As soon as I noticed that the doors were numbered, the number 12 stuck out in my head. Over and over, it came in and out like the tide. I thought to myself, 'That's the room I need to find.' My mind knew it; it was the room I came in for. It held the truth behind the truth, and living in lies all my life made me hunger for the reality of my past.

Eventually, after following the lengthy path to its end, I reached an industrial elevator. There was a slot requiring a key, so I thought that it would be as far as I'd get. However, deciding to try anyway, I pressed the button, and the door opened.

I stepped inside, and it quickly shut behind me, automatically beginning its descent. The feeling of fear grew stronger. The elevator was moving pretty fast, but it didn't reach the basement floor for quite some time. When it opened, I rushed out, not wanting the doors to shut as quick as they did the first time.

The bottom floor was a lone, long hallway. This one didn't split or turn in every direction like the last; I could see the end of it. A single door was there, and even from the distance, I knew which number the black paint on it read. I walked to the twelfth door, ignoring all of the other numbers around me… I was almost there.

It didn't occur to me that the room I was originally looking for was on the first floor; all I could think of was what lied behind the door. I got up to it and twisted the handle, pushing the door open.

Everything that happened afterwards was a blur, a diary entry of my mind where the ink was smudged, where you can only read bits and pieces. I remember stepping into a small room, though I don't remember what it looked like. A female animal of some sort was already looking at the doorway, expecting me. She wasn't of importance though. There was someone else in the room, sitting on a chair in the middle… my dad.

I gasped and began to silently cry right there. I didn't even move from the doorway, I didn't run up to him. Just seeing him made me feel more joy and depression than any other moment in my life up until then. For just that moment, all of my negative feelings about him and about myself melted away. Not matching my surge of emotion, he just avoided my eyes with a frown on his face, staring at the stone flooring under his feet. He didn't even acknowledge my presence, though I could tell he knew I was there.

"…and there she is," said the owl.

My dad paused for a bit, before looking up and shakily raising an arm, pulling a gun out from his coat. His finger hovered where it didn't belong, ready to take the life of someone he pretended to love, but he didn't shoot. He bit his lip; I froze in confusion. Our eyes locked, we held our breaths in motionless tension…

…and then he pulled the trigger.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_BANG!_

I didn't feel it, but I knew… the bullet had sunk into my chest. It was the end of everything. Over nine thousand thoughts rushed through me in a matter of seconds… my memories, my hopes, and my deepest fears. It was as if shooting a hole through the dam of my heart released the things I had been trying so desperately to withhold. I didn't wonder what my dad was doing in that room. I didn't wonder why he'd even consider shooting me. I knew he hated me; he left for a reason… but why? Why would he pull the trigger? Why did he even point the gun at me in the first place? It's true that I never expected to find my dad in that building, but until that moment I hadn't forgotten. I hadn't given up on him. I hoped he'd come back, and not just because it'd mean we'd be able to go home. I secretly hoped that it was a mistake; I held onto the thought of him returning. I secretly hoped he loved me, but that was foolish. Of course he didn't; even I couldn't believe he did, despite the blindfold my heart put over my judgment.

But in that moment, all of those thoughts were killed. I've been told that weapons destroy the body, not the heart, but that clearly wasn't true. I stood there, so engulfed in my thoughts, that I didn't notice my consciousness was slipping. My vision faded. I lost control as my body weakened, and I toppled over… but I was unconscious before I reached the floor.

Darkness. It was cast over me like sheets, suffocating and restraining. I didn't know if I was alive, but I wasn't even able to think about whether I was or not; my mind was covered with a thick haze. I felt empty in there… but I liked it. In the dark, I had no fear. Worries and pain didn't exist. A dreamless sleep… it was perfect. I would've wanted to stay there forever, but of course, there is an end to every night. Eventually, I had to wake up.

And I did.

My eyelids fluttered open, though I was still drowsy. I wondered if I was in heaven, but the restraints on my limbs and the hollow feeling in my body told me otherwise. It was fairly dark, the only source of light being the wavering orange glow of passing streetlights. Some weren't even lit. I was in a van of some sort, loosely strapped to a chair built into the back. There were no windows, but I was able to see through the windshield. The van's headlights beamed across the empty road. Trash was scattered on the sides, on the roads and in front of run-down buildings. I was being taken through the suburbs, the edge of the city.

"Um, Copper… I, uh… guess the tranquilizer wasn't strong enough. She, um… woke up… I think…" came a voice from my right. I turned, and I saw a dopey bulldog, dressed in a strange guard outfit. He seemed really nervous about me being in the back with him; his hands were shaking the food he was eating.

Sitting in the seat next to him was another dog, one that was quite formidable. He was wearing similar clothes. His body fit the red fabric snugly, and his pointy ears stretched the fabric of his hat. A frown was spread across his face, and his eyes glared at me with hatred, "… So she did." He cleared his throat, and he directed his words to me, "You weren't supposed to regain consciousness until we arrived, but I guess it doesn't matter. You can't do much anyway. We're taking you to Hell. Well, the closest you'll get to that in this world." He paused, took a bite of his sandwich, and then continued, "You're going to wish you weren't alive. Believe me, I've seen what happens in those camps."

I blinked.

The dog rolled his eyes. I blinked again, and I continued to stare at him apathetically. He smirked, "We have food and drinks. There's still some time before we reach 01. If you want anything, just speak up." The dog snickered soon after saying this, and he continued to stuff himself a few feet in front of me.

"Copper, don't tease her," the driver called out from the front, "She's important. She's the only human subject we've ever had."

The dog replied, "Compared to what they'll be doing to her, a few jokes won't mean anything. Relax, doc; we'll probably never see her again once we deliver her safely anyway."

Small talk between the two guards continued sparingly as the van drew closer to its destination. A sick feeling began spreading in my stomach. I woke up expecting to be dead, but I was alive… and that was depressing. All I knew was that once the van stopped, everything would be over.

"We're almost there!" said the driver.

I shut my eyes. Arriving was the last thing I wanted to do. The dog's words echoed in my head, and dread dug its roots into every corner of my body. I remembered everything that went on in my mind that day. I remembered thinking it was over when my dad pulled the trigger… and maybe it was. He didn't kill me; he just spared me from one hell and sent me to another.

But did I deserve it? I realized that when I said I gave up on my dad… I lied. He hated me, but even I hated myself. I couldn't let go. It hurt so much, but giving up was out of the question. My naïve, hopeless self still clung onto a shred of hope. No suffering – not even death – could stop that.

The van slowly came to stop. Copper smiled cruelly at me, while the bulldog next to him had drifted into a daze, close to falling asleep. The driver got out and pulled the back doors open, yawning as he did so. Fresh air poured into the vehicle.

"Booker," Copper said, looking at me as he tapped his partner, "Get up. We need to take this to 01's supervisors."

"There's no need for that," said the driver, "You guys can get some rest. Since this is a special subject, I'll take her myself."

Booker turned to the back door, "Professor… Are y-you sure? This is our job."

He replied cheerfully, straightening his glasses, "It's fine. I want to. You know how I am about our research."

The bulldog fiddled with his paws, "Um… well… if you insist, I guess…"

The man unstrapped me and pulled me out of the van. He had a weathered, but warm face with a crooked smile. His gray hair was long and messy, matching the peculiarity of his stained, white coat. He looked crazy, but I followed him anyway. I didn't have much of a choice.

Once we were far from the car, he spoke up, "So… it's Tara, right? Yeah. So, you might be wondering who I am. Well, I'm Gerald. Gerald Fitzgerald, highly esteemed professor and inventor." He looked interested in continuing, but I made it obvious that I was ignoring him. Of course, he knew I heard him, but he stopped talking for a while. We were in front of yet another decrepit, factory-like building. Leaving the sidewalk, we crossed patches of dried grass and stone. We entered the building, and he led me down a hall. Several walkways and flights of stairs later, we arrived at a smooth, stone passageway. All of the surfaces in it were gray, and the path seemed endless, sloping downward and curving occasionally. I sighed; what was with this company and all of their long halls?

The professor started talking again as we descended, "You probably don't care what I think, but know that I really feel bad about leaving you in here." He coughed, "I do have a favor to ask you, though. There should be a dog here named Kingston. He's special, like you."

I blew out air in annoyance.

He scratched his head in embarrassment, "Well, everyone here is like you, actually… but he's different. If you could find him and find a way out of this place… could you look for me?"

I couldn't answer, so he became quiet once again. All we heard from then on were footsteps. We went further, and eventually an iron door came up in the distance, marking the end of our walk. As we neared our destination, the professor turned to me, "1672 Harnage Street. Remember that address, Tara."

He pushed the door open, and we entered the maze of subterranean hallways and rooms known as 01. My new home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The atmosphere within 01 was strange. The air was cold… clammy and foreign. It was thin; deep breaths were impossible. I cautiously followed the professor, glancing at the doors as we walked by. They were not numbered here; little symbol and pictures of all sorts indicated which room was what. It seemed that they were all closed, and we did not run into anyone in the halls. If it weren't for the lights, I would have considered the place abandoned.

We stopped in front of a door that looked no different from the rest. A triangle was painted at eye level, except it wasn't a triangle. In the center of it was something that looked like a malicious bird. It glared at me with its beady eyes, which, unlike everything else on the doors, was painted red. The eyes seemed to follow me no matter where I stood. I moved back and forth, feeling spooked. It was watching me. The professor hesitated before opening the door, and he looked at me strangely, waiting for me to be ready to enter. I scrutinized the symbol. Something about that bird… and the object encasing it. It was very odd, and somehow familiar.

The professor saw me looking at the symbol. "It's not an optical illusion," he muttered under his breath, "it just looks like one."

I looked at him with an expression of confusion on my face, which he found somewhat amusing. He grinned maniacally, "Good luck." And with that, he pushed the door open, motioning me in. I entered, and he closed the door behind me.

The door apparently only opened inward, as when I turned back I saw nothing but a seamless, white wall. Actually, no matter where I looked, that was all I saw. White. I turned about, looking around in my dazed state. I thought I heard a faint buzzing sound, seeping into my ears like waves of vapor. I couldn't tell which direction it was coming from; it was overwhelming. Soon, I did not even know which direction the door was. My breathing became my clock, a noise in the background that I tried focusing on as I nervously looked around me. It felt like hours passed, and gravity was the only thing keeping me from completely losing it. I didn't know how the place was lit so brightly, or how they managed to blend the door in with the walls so well, but the way the room was made was…

Wait.

In the midst of my turning, I seemed to have overlooked something in the vastness of the room. I didn't think it was possible, seeing that there was literally nothing else in the room but myself… but… there it was. Watching me the entire time. On one of the walls there was a red splotch. It wasn't big, but it was definitely visible from where I was standing.

I didn't understand how it got there, but I didn't want to go up to it and see what it was. There wasn't really a point in that though, because there really aren't many red liquids out there… right? My hopes that it was paint were unrealistic, but as long as I didn't kill the last bits of uncertainty…

I stopped letting my eyes wander, and I looked at the splotch, not wanting to take my eyes off it in case I'd lose it. It was scary, but it was also my sanity. It was now a distinguishing feature, a single point on a blank map. Time continued to run, but the whole room was frozen… and I refused to blink. I wouldn't lose it. I wouldn't lose…

My breathing quickened and grew ragged. I was really losing it, wasn't I? There was something about this room… that made me… That couldn't stop me, though. I wouldn't let it. I wouldn't lose my sanity.

I at least thought I wouldn't, but I did. From the corner of my eye, I saw movement. My heart jumped out my throat in a silent shriek, and I turned.

Another splotch, almost identical in size.

_No. What? No. This can't be happening. Am I really…_

I told myself it was just a figment of my imagination. It was my mind playing tricks. Then, from behind, a faint whisper slithered into my ears, "You really are going crazy, aren't you…"

The vocal ambush practically took my life; I nearly fainted. I checked over my shoulder of course, but no one was there. But if no one was there… where had the voice come from? I thought that there could have been a door concealed in the wall, but then I disregarded that idea. One, the voice seemed too close to have been from the wall… and two, if it was from a door, there would have to be someone behind it. Just the notion of that scared the living shit out of me, so I tried my hardest to block the thoughts.

But when I looked back to the wall in front of me, my fears of strangers behind doors were immediately forgotten. Before me, the splotches now littered the walls, the ceiling, the floor… there were far too many to count. I did not think they were bloodstains anymore, because there couldn't have been anything that bled that much…

unless…

…and then I realized, the red stains weren't just appearing. They were growing. The splotches spread outward; they dribbled down to the floor and pooled. Redness began to flow towards me, and I shakily walked as far back as I could. There really wasn't much I could do, though. It slowly engulfed all traces of white in the room, and my mental stability with it. I shut my eyes tight.

Then, just when I thought it was finished… a quick burst of static sound erupted, and the room was swallowed in darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_The shadowed suburbs stood, still and lifelessly. The moon was new; stars covered by a thin sheet of cloud. Natural light abandoned humanity for the hour, and the dull, orange streetlights were far too weak to drive the fear away. Two figures sprinted down the road, egressing, illuminated in the orange flood… shortly before fading out into the black haze once again. Apart from them, the streets were empty, but still they continued to run, as fast as they possibly could. There was no time for rest. There was no time for breath. The farther they could get, the better. Distance wasn't just measurement anymore; it was the only thing keeping them alive._

_The two were man and woman, a couple maybe, although there weren't any rings to show for it. The man spoke to his companion with a clear voice. He was human, but his distinctive features were hidden behind a cloak. His companion, however, covered nothing. Long white hair trailed behind her as they moved —the reason for their fleeing. A gray uniform covered her slender body. It was worn and dirty, but judging by where it came from, it was obvious that she didn't have the time to change into something else. She kept her wide eyes ahead of her, occasionally glancing at the bundle she cradled in her arms._

_They were exhausted —their chests heaving to feed their lungs oxygen—but a short pause for any reason would surely lead to capture. Too cold for perspiring and too quiet for screaming… the night felt contradictory to the situation. Dread dripped down their backs in a cold sweat. The calm before the storm was undeniable; disaster would be striking at any moment, and they wouldn't be prepared for it even if they knew._

"_Tom," the woman croaked, "where the hell are we going?"_

"What?"

"We can't run forever… we need to find a hiding place."

The man struggled to hear what she was saying. It was hard enough when they weren't in motion, and the lack of light didn't allow him to see her lips. The woman repeated herself once more, and he nodded, hoping he understood correctly, "I don't think there's much we can do at this point. Celeste's going to send her hounds after us, and once that happens, we're fucked."

"_What about what's-his-face's house?" she exhaled, merely surpassing the volume of a whisper._

_Tom took his eyes off the path before him and raised his voice, "What did you say?"_

"That damn professor, where's his house?"

Tom shook his head, "We can't drag him into this; this is our problem to deal with. If he got in trouble because of us, I'd… We just should've planned this out better."

The woman looked down in her arms and bit her lip. She strained her voice again, "Well, we can't get caught after all of this. You can't be found out now. Do you think we'd ever get another chance like this? It'll never happen, especially after Tara grows older."

"_But those damned dogs are going to show up any minute."  
_

_He was right. They continued to run through their fatigue, but they weren't far enough. From a distance, a car approached. It was still far from sight, but it was speeding towards them at an alarming rate. It was soon close enough for Tom to notice._

"_Shit. They're here."_

Tom motioned towards a nearby alleyway and they sprinted off the main road. It wouldn't matter much though… Tom knew Copper. That dog's nose knew its targets, and no prisoner of his would be able to hide from that short of a distance. His fear would have driven him to continue regardless, but his companion slowed to a stop, so he did likewise.

_Between heavy breaths, he muttered, "Looks like we failed. He couldn't buy us enough time, after all…"_

"_No. This can't be the end," the woman whispered with her raspy voice, "We weren't meant to fail."_

Tom facepalmed in disappointment, "You're wrong. We weren't meant to succeed. I mean, even with inside help… we're talking about Celeste. It was over from the start."

"_No, YOU'RE wrong. It's not over yet." She held the bundle of blankets out._

_Every muscle in Tom's body tensed as his heartstrings unwound. He realized what she was asking him to do, and the idea of doing that went against everything he wanted. The answer he wanted to give screamed itself from every cell in his body, but his mouth failed to react. He was unable to object; the circumstances left him with no other choices. He had to do what he had to do… even if it would make him despise his very existence and throw out all that he cared about._

"_Take her… take her and go."_

"_I- I can't. You know what we've done. They're going to kill you."_

"_Tom, it's the only way. If they find you out, they'll kill you too." _

_He exhaled, bit his lip and cried. He wished things were different; he wished he could take her place, but for the sake of the baby…_

_The woman looked down at the tiny face of the child in her arms. Her bright, blue eyes twinkled with hope, even if it wasn't hope for herself. She whispered, "I love you, Tara." She kissed the child's cheek and handed her over. Tom said what he thought would be his final goodbye, and then he ran._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

At a gradual rate, the images running through my mind muddled into masses of moving color. Sounds came trickling in, and consciousness gently nudged the nightmares away.

'Hey, she's waking up.'

Silent grumbles spilled out of my mouth as I subconsciously fought my body's waking, but it was too late. My eyelids fluttered and flung open. The blinding light poured in, only being broken by the shadowy outlines of the people huddled around me. Well, animals. Whatever you want to call them. A mouse, a rabbit, and a bear.

'Hi!'

Wait, what the hell? What was that?

'Ahaha, it gets them every time.'

I blinked, letting my eyes readjust. I was lying down on a mat in a spacious room, surrounded by strangers. 01. That's where I was. Forsaken in a pit I'd never be able to crawl out of. Maybe I deserved it, but still. It sucked. And now I was hearing things…

'She's depressing for a girl her age.'

No, I wasn't hearing things. That voice definitely came from the creepy mouse. Something about it was really strange though, but maybe it was just the subterranean atmosphere.

'Well, she's probably been through a lot. I mean, you have to if you end up here.'

I turned my head and focused on the floor, trying to avoid meeting their gazes. I couldn't stand looking back at them. They were talking as if they knew me, but they didn't. I had no clue why there were there with me– heck, I didn't even know why I was there. The professor told me that the people here were like me, but that was obviously not the case. It was easy to see that I didn't belong as soon as the sound of their voices struck my consciousness.

The mouse grumbled, and I looked back up at her. She noticed, and frowned, 'What's this girl's problem?'

'Bella,' the tubby bear with a bad haircut said, 'she just got here, she doesn't even know about –'

'Well,' the mouse said, directing her almost bulging eyes back in my direction, 'she's insulting us, and she hasn't even acknowledged us yet. The least she could do is thank us for sparing her a bed. The nerve…'

I didn't really care whether or not the mouse gave me her crappy bed. She was really starting to piss me off. How could she expect me to talk? I'm fricking mute.

'We all are, sweetie,' said the bear.

Umm what? Did she just… Wait, what was… WHAT THE–

'Relax,' the Bear said 'we'll explain everything in time. Your mind is probably still weak, seeing where they brought you from; you need some rest.'

I felt stupid for not realizing it earlier, but when she spoke, her mouth remained

—–—

It was impossible to tell what time it was in 01, but it was what 01's inhabitants called night. A majority of the animals were asleep. The bear cub from earlier, however, was not. She was wide-awake and motionless, deep in thought as she watched me dream. I would've thought it was creepy if I was conscious at the time, but thankfully I was in the comforting emptiness people call 'sleep.'

'Pekoe, how is she?'

The cub quickly whipped her head in the direction of the voice. It was getting late, and though the others had left the room a long time before, she felt as if she needed to stay by the young girl asleep in front of her. She didn't think anyone else would be up at that hour, but it was a pleasant surprise.

'She's been asleep for awhile, but I'm guessing she's alright… for now.'

The dog nodded, 'I wasn't able to hear her from the other side of the room while she was awake, but I can imagine how confusing it must be to be thrown in here so suddenly. She is one of us though, so I'm sure one visit to the Vulture couldn't have caused any lasting damage.'

'Maybe, but that's only the beginning. She's really young still; I'm not sure if she'll last very long here. We've already lost–'

'Shh…' the dog said, interrupting her with a gentle touch from his paw, 'we don't have time to dwell on those things. We might not have Tiff anymore, but we have this girl, and she needs us now. She still has a lot to learn, so the next few days might get pretty hectic. We haven't really been doing much lately, so this might be an interesting change anyway.'

'Well,_ they_ haven't really done much lately either. What do you think that means?'

'I don't know… but one thing I do know is that something about this girl is important to them. Big things are going to be happening soon, so we'd best be preparing for them. She'll be fine for the night, so go get some sleep. Out of all of us, you probably need it the most.'

Pekoe gave him a slight nod, and she smiled wearily as she headed off to bed. When the dog was sure he was alone, he knelt beside me and whispered…

'Welcome back, Tara.'


	9. Halloween Special

So this is something I wrote exactly a year ago... which is crazy. It's sort of a tangent off the main story, but it's relevant in a way... you'll see when you read it.

* * *

**Redesign Me – Halloween Special**

**Part 1** – 11-1-2006

I was there, in my corner of solitude once again. They obviously knew what I was doing when I came here every day, but I was never stopped or interrupted, my work never touched. Who knows, maybe they enjoyed it. Maybe my suffering was something they took pleasure in. My daily routine had become nothing but a chronic daze of insanity.

My eyes darted around the wall, looking for the place where I had left off. The wall was large, but after seeing it so often it wasn't long before I found the right spot. I smashed my finger onto the rough surface of the wall again, already accustomed to the sickening act, and I scraped off a layer of skin. There was no pain, but a small streak of red stained the wall as I dragged my fingertip downward… ever so slowly.

A small streak– another day, but the tallying really wasn't necessary. The continually growing number was branded into the cavity in my skull; it was the only thing I had that was still from that world. Of course, in this world there was no sun, no moon. It was possible that I really didn't know.

But somehow, I knew. Sleep was an inaccurate method of gauging time, especially in this destitute hole where time was but sporadic wisps in the hourglass, yet the date had failed to escape me. I knew, without a doubt, that today was today.

October 31st, my birthday. It's been exactly three years since I saw any of them… Mom, Dad, Jenna, Cyan… and well, like I said, it's been three years. Three years since the world I used to live in was pried from my shaking hands. I've spilled my blood a thousand times counting. This lifelessness had become routine; I was a zombie in a body I don't even own anymore. I still had my memories, but after all this time, it is here where I felt I belonged.

And yet, I wonder… do you still remember me? Do you still cry when you see my face? Do you still dream of the life you said we'd have together?

I fear I already know how you'd answer if you could, but that wouldn't change a thing.

**Part 2**

10-31-2003

"_Amelia!" my mom yelled from the front door, "Cyan's here!"_

_I, of course, didn't want to leave my bed. Cyan was probably going to dash into my room within the next few seconds anyway, so it wouldn't matter._

_Sure enough, after a few muffled footsteps, the fluffy, blue sheep bounced into the room, cheerful as ever. She was so short that I wouldn't have been able to see her from the position I was in, but she was bouncing off the walls of my room, her orange tye-dye scarf slapping her face multiple times in the process._

"_Happy happy happy birthdaaayyy!" she squealed, "What are you still doing in bed? It's 4pm!"  
_

'_I was setting up my new NookBook Pro last night,' I mouthed, pointing to the aluminum laptop sitting on my nightstand._

"_You should have gone with a PC, but wow, you got a new computer? When I go home, we are SO going to Skype. I mean, it's not all about the talking. I can read your mouth over webcam."_

'…_Or I could just type.'_

"_Don't be such a Resetti! I wanna see your face." Cyan started skipping about my room again, pumped for our 'planned' Skype after-party. Or maybe it was just the sugar. I swear, it might've been Halloween, but she really needed to lay off the sweets._

'_Yeah, whatever… it's Halloween. Don't you have anything else you should be doing?'_

"_Nah. You're birthday is more important. Besides, I hear Jack's haunted house is lame anyway."  
_

_I silently laughed, 'Really? Because that's where we planned to go after dinner.'_

"_Ahaha. Well, I guess with you, it will be awesome. Seeing Jenna freak out will be hilarious. Anyway, we should get downstairs. He might be coming soon."_

'_He who must not be named?'_

_I had to contort my face awkwardly to show I was joking, and she probably found that more amusing than the joke._

"_Oh, stop that. What if your face gets stuck like that? He could be at the door right now."_

Sure enough, at that very moment, my mom was shouting from the door, "Amelia, err… someone's at the door!"

_I didn't move at first, but Cyan nudged me, "Hurry, you don't want your lame older sister answering the door, do ya?"_

_She was right. Going down there wouldn't be any less awkward, but I couldn't have Jenna talking to him. I had been good friends with Ryan ever since we were kids, but it didn't stop the uncomfortable feelings we shared. We still hung out on occasion, but I always felt like my inability to speak was too embarrassing to ignore. I'd have to talk to him sometime during the party though, so now would be better than later._

"_Go get 'em, Tiger," Cyan jokingly yelled as I rushed out of my room and down the stairs to the front door. My mom was already back in the kitchen, and there was no one around, so I peeked outside._

_There he was, standing awkwardly, not really noticing I was there. I smirked when I saw that he was wearing a suit. He looked uncomfortable in it, although it could just as easily have been the fact that he was standing alone outside my house. So I slipped outside and joined him._

_I coughed, and he jumped slightly, but it got his attention, 'Someone's dressed up for no reason.'_

"_It's Halloween… I'm uh, Nook. You know, the guy that owns Nookingtons? Yeah."_

'You're supposed to dress up as Jack for Halloween, not that tubby old raccoon.'

"_But it's your birthday, so I thought I'd do something a little more special." I didn't know how to reply to that, so we just stood there for a minute. He then began fiddling with his hands, before stuffing them in his pockets, "So… I hope you like your present."_

'_Uh… what is it?' I mouthed, but he was looking downwards and didn't notice. There was a brief moment of silence before Cyan poked her head out of the open doorway behind me._

"_Well, we don't have all day. What is it?"_

_I could tell he was nervous, but he lifted his head. His eyes met mine, and he pulled his hands out of his pockets. Tears clouded my eyes as his hands began to move._

'_Someone to talk to.'_

_I… I didn't know what to say. I just stood there, dumbstruck, my hand trembling over my mouth as I wept. No one–not even my own parents –bothered to learn. I always figured that my sign language lessons were a waste, but..._

"_Okay, okay," my dad said, "there's kiddies around here, so let's all come inside and keep this family friendly, alright?"_

_Cyan peeked out at us again, "It is starting to get dark... and they said a storm was coming."_

_I sheepishly smiled at Ryan and we headed in for dinner.  
_

_The sun soon set, hampering vision and my ability to talk, but that night was still amazing while it lasted. I had everything and everyone I could have possibly wanted. Cyan was satisfied as well, but only because she relished every second of my sister's fright in the haunted house. We had our fun, said our goodbyes, and eventually returned home. Rain was falling in sheets by the time we got in. Soaked but unaffected, I left footprints of water as I ran up to my room to get on the computer._

_It was barely over an hour later when it happened. No one heard the car._

_A wing, drenched in both water and the blood of strangers, twisted the doorknob. My parents were still awake downstairs, but the sound went unnoticed. The door opened with a creak, and my fate was sealed._

**Part 3** – 10-31-2003_  
_

Amelia: 10:29 PM

Hold on Cyan, something doesn't feel right.

Amelia: 10:30 PM

I think I have a stomachache or something, let me get some meds.

—–—

_I could hear Jenna snoring, so I tiptoed across the hall. It was dark, but the living room light was on downstairs, and the faint illumination was all I needed. When I reached the front door, however, I saw that it was flung wide open. I was confused at first, but then I saw two animals walking into the room where my parents were sitting. I don't know how that made me any less confused, but I felt I shouldn't have interfered, so I climbed halfway up the staircase and peeked in through the gaps between the railing bars, making sure I wasn't seen._

"_Mr. McDougall."_

_My parents were so absorbed in their movie that they actually didn't notice anything? They deserved to be smacked for that. We could've easily been robbed. I rolled my eyes, but I stayed put, where the darkness effectively concealed me. Anyway, they both jumped slightly from the interruption, which was already habitual after a night in a haunted house._

"_Who the hell are you?" my dad screamed._

"_Shh… you don't want to be causing a scene. Relax, we're not here to hurt you."_

"_Then what are you doing in my house?"_

The pudgy red owl stepped forward, holding out her wing, "Celeste. It's a pleasure to meet you. I work with the government. And that is my assistant, Copper."

"_Care to explain why the government is fucking around in my living room?"_

"_Well, we're here about a certain daughter of yours. You know, the one that you adopted?"  
_

_A chill ran down my spine. I had never been told I was adopted, but I could easily see that Jenna looked like Mom and Dad, and I didn't. At that moment, I knew that something very serious regarding me was going to happen._

_Worry spread over my mom's face like Nutella, "What about her?"_

"_She's different, isn't she? You see.. her kind… is not from this world."_

My dad stared into the owl's eyes with a serious expression for a split second before he burst into hysterical laughter, "What are you trying to pull here? You two aren't from the government, don't think we're that easily fooled."

_Celeste sighed and turned to her dog. He saw her expression and understood, pulling a marble-sized object out and tossing it onto the floor. Nothing seemed to happen, but from my parents' reaction, I guessed it just didn't work from where I was. They sat for some time, glancing around the room at things I couldn't see._

_Once the moving reflections in their eyes faded, the owl spoke again, "So you see, this is a legitimate problem. What you have just experienced is top-secret 'others' technology. And yes, the events you've just witnessed have actually happened, though it was before any of us were alive."_

"_But my daughter isn't like that."_

"Today... was her birthday, wasn't it?"

"It was."

"And how old is she now?"

"She's sixteen."

"Do you know why we celebrate sixteenth birthdays? Have you ever wondered why most people consider a girl's sixteenth birthday her most important?"

_My dad didn't respond._

_The owl continued, "This isn't about who she is. This is about what she is. And it doesn't really matter to us if you're willing to comply or not. Copper has plenty of other things up his sleeves if you don't behave."_

_My mom began to tear up, "I don't care what you do to us; we won't let you kill Amelia!"  
_

_Celeste looked genuinely surprised, "Kill? Who said anything about killing? We just need to temporarily contain her with her kind. And besides, you might want to keep your voice down. We might not be here to kill her, but you don't want anything to happen to your real daughter, do you?"_

_My dad glared at her, " You. Wouldn't. Dare."_

"Just give us …Amelia, and we'll leave your daughter alone. We wouldn't want misfortune for both of them, but if you force us to..."

_I already knew this was going to end badly, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything. My hands, my feet were nailed in place. I knew hearing his words would kill me, but I had to reassure myself. I had to know what he was going to say._

"…_Okay, just leave Jenna alone. Please."_

_My heart sank._

"_Honey," my mom cried, "How could you–"_

"_Thank you for your cooperation. I knew you'd see things my way." Celeste motioned to Copper and he nodded, before handing my dad a gun._

"_W-what is this for?"_

"It's yours, isn't it?" she said with a malevolent smile.

"_I… I…"_

Copper somehow pulled a folder crammed with assorted papers out from thin air, "The government has records of these things, you know. So we do too."

"_And why would you go through the trouble to give me back a gun I threw out years ago? I don't see how this could be considered restitution for what you're taking."_

The owl chuckled, "You are quite ignorant, aren't you? We're not giving you the gun– well, we are, but you see… it is in our company's best interest that our actions are left without suspicion. We have a portion of the government under our power, of course, but there are eyes and ears elsewhere that would find news of a missing, white-haired child suspicious. This is where you come in."

_My dad went pale. His head drooped as he stared at the gun in his hands._

_"No. You can't shoot your own daughter," my mother cried, her hands reaching for his. She spoke louder now, which made Celeste tense up slightly, but that sentence was all that she had to say._

_The owl frowned at her, "You don't understand what kind of monsters we're dealing with here."_

"_Amelia. Is. Not. A. Monster," my dad said through gritted teeth. He stood up for me, but his eyes didn't leave the gun, nor did his hands loosen their grip._

"_You realize that you can't win, don't you?"_

"_I'm not going to shoot my daughter."_

"She'll live."

"_I'm not going to shoot my daughter."_

"_You might be the one with the gun, but you still don't have much of a choice."_

"_So you expect me to leave my daughter thinking I killed her sister?"_

"Well, that's the whole point."

He thought for a while, and then said, under his breath, "Delilah, let Jenna know that I love her."

_And at that moment, my heart broke. But it wasn't because of what was going to happen to me, or because I wasn't loved as much. It was because it was when I last saw my dad. His whole body was shaking as he focused on the gun in his hands, and he sobbed. He had never looked so weak and broken._

The front door was still open, but something held me back. I got back to my room before I heard the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. I realized it would be best for everyone if I pretended to be asleep, so I shut my eyes and waited. The wait was an eternity, almost longer than my stay in 03, but I didn't dare breathe. I couldn't lift my eyelids. Then, just before I died in anticipation, the door creaked open.

"_I love you, Amelia."_


End file.
